That is all.
...and stoic continues.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Eons and Bondage Still Won't Contain Me...
...but they will keep me from writing on this blog. To be honest, even stale Redvines would keep me from posting.
<----What a soda jerk!
--------------------------
Okay, now for the SERIOUS stuff. This next important reflection is entitled...
The Grasshopper and The Ants.
So, Its now August and we are knee deep in Summer...well for us northern hemisphereites that is, and I for one am ready for it to be done. "Why is that?" you ask. Well I'll tell you my good people, the plants are getting smug.
Now I don't mean the hard working, nose to the grindstone, perpetual Evergreens mind you. Or the frantic workings and careful planning of the seasonally sensational and dedicated Deciduous. No, I'm talking about those over-privileged, temperamental, prima donna grasses and flowers. They are so puffed-up on their own pompous existence, and it doesn't help that everyone loves to frolic around in them and empower their own self ennoblement. So I took out my own revenge. To paraphrase Johnny Cash,
But I shouldn't be so happy with being so morose, so lets watch this Disney cartoon that has a happy ending for these types whom believe that the world owes them a living.
There, perhaps you feel better, but more importantly I DO. Okay, Next topic title will be,
Because Their Eggs Stinked.
I went to Dinosaur National Monument just a few bits ago and once I got there I found out that the actual monument was mostly closed due to construction, the old one apparently having "structural concerns." I wanted to be furious, so I was. My majesty turned to tragedy... but then I remembered that dinosaurs went through much worse, but then I also remembered that I didn't care about dino suffering, I just wanted to look at their dry skeletal corpses anyway. So in frustration, I just went and found Anasazi Fremont rock art of Darth Vader instead.
Who knew Anasazi were so Anasnerdi!? I did, a long time ago in a galaxy right here! That's who!
Now my poem for the dinosaurs. Ahem...
You would have lived, had you had the stones.
Instead you gelded princes roam no more....
and I myself could have the blues,
but then my manhood I could lose,
for crying for the pansy dinosaur.
Sure, some may gasp at my remark,
it's probably they who closed the park,
to build a eunuch palace for their lords....
They didn't die from comets power,
they died because they'd only cower,
they skittered off and sheathed their phallic swords.
I'm being harsh, I just want them to get their machismo back. Much love Trex!
....and now for the finale!
I put a lot of pictures in this post because i was too apathetic and lazy to actually preach my word to my committed audience. Maybe you haven't earned my full or even partial interest. But just like how faeries come to life when you clap your hands, I come to life when you give me your credit card and checking account information. Lets see who the faithful truly are.
Ta.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Holy May
I haven't been up to much of late I must admit, other than my everyday dull and tedious schedule of magnificent manifestations and building myself up by tearing ALL others down...But honestly, can you expect any less from someone so profoundly more important than the masses I must Shepard to the greener pastures that exist only in my well landscaped mind? (migrant workers do great mind work by the way.)
It is now the Holy month of May, Holy only for the sole reason that it is the month of my oft prophecised birth. This Holy May holds an even larger significance due to the fact that in mortal years i will be the wise age of 30...wise only because its me.
My sister has come to town this lovely May 20th! and because her and i share the same parents, but more importantly because I am her brother, she deserves far more respect than any of you. But...if there is only so much respect you can divvy up at any given time remember: Give unto Kevin what is Kevin's, and then you most likely will have no more respect to give. But don't worry, I won't be giving out any respect out to you, so rest easy, or rest in peace.
It just so happens that my Brother Kyle's birthday falls on the day prior to my own. This, obviously, was done on purpose, just like John the Baptist, Kyle's birthday is to prepare the world for my coming. This analogy doesn't work quite so well seeing that I am 3 years older than he is, but you will take what i give you and pretend that it all makes perfect sense. Because it does.
Okay its game time! Guess what i want for my birthday. Go ahead, I'll wait and waste my precious time................ WRONG! What i really want is for you people to stop pestering me, sadly that's unobtainable, so instead I want to see the Milky Way again...
Speaking of the Milky Way. Does it ever bother you that you can't really see it any longer? It bothers me, and that is why it is my birthday wish. Sometimes people ask me if i want that flu that is going around, and i say "swine not." That isn't a true story, but it is a story, much like those behemoth skyscrapers you often see have stories, but those are usually poorly thought out and have a stench like that David Bowien-Hensonian eternal bog. I once thought of a good story, but that's a horse of a different colour, then that crafty wizard stole it from me and now I'm penny-less and he's now in control of Oz. Or was, I'll get back to you on the details, ends up he floated away in a balloon to who knows where. Funny how that works...at one moment you have the power, the next moment... you are nothing but Prince Adam and your cat Cringer is nothing but a cowardly, cowering, lazy, over eating, pantywaist.
I'm getting away from myself...the point of this section of my blog is to comment on how the Milky Way is beyond my eyes to see...sure, you can go into any corner market and stare at the confectionery delight that bares its same name, but its not the same......
GIVE ME MY MILKY WAY!
Update: 07.27.09
So, yeah my birthday came and went and I was just so caught up in the World's celebration of me that i forgot to finish this entry. OOOooopppss. Anyway, quell the riot and unrest in your mind for I have not raptured into the heavens....yet. Here's hoping i can write some more soon, but honestly don't fast for it...the likelihood's you'll starve.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
OH OH.... CHRISTMAS TRIED TO STARE ME DOWN!!
Okay... so I just checked my voice mail and everything is starting to makes some sense. I had 12 days of messages from some phantasm that went by the name "The Ghost of Christmastides That Simple-Minded Ninnies Have Forgotten" So, I called to tell him that his name needed some work.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Will i lose my strength??
So, I have been going through a struggle lately. its not your average everyday struggle for survival either, no, this is far more important. Everyday when i wake up I usually do four things before beginning my day...
- Confusingly search for the alarm clock emergency shut off switch while simultaneously realizing that my high speed truck chase down a forested mountain road was most likely NOT reality, nor were the zombie lumberjacks i was chasing...pity.
- As my brain slowly meanders into consciousness, my first thought is a prayer...I pray that I don't have to work today. As the disappointment of my unanswered prayer washes over me I then...
- Go back to sleep in a futile attempt to end what I hope is still a nightmare. When that doesn't work(it never works)...I then move on to the forth and final thing i do at the beginning of my day, the struggle I mentioned at the beginning of this post...
- I look in the mirror, and say to myself, "Is that you Rapunzel?! Wait, no it's just me...Shoot, I really need a haircut. I know I say this to you all the time Kevin, but this time i mean it! This week we cut these precious ashy brown locks. It's been a year! Quit your trepidation and get it done!" With that pep talk I then begin my day.
The problem arises as the day progresses. I begin to second guess my morning pledge. The loss of my long time good friend and neck warmer to the barbarity of barbery begins to weigh on my conscience. I start to ask myself, "What has your hair ever done to you to deserve such backstabbing savagery?" I respond, "Other than it dangerously blocking my view, spelunking down my throat at night, clogging my shower, greasifying my appearance and stubbornly refusing to follow any of my grooming instructions at all? Kevin, let's forget your delusional Porter Rockwell fantasy for the moment and stick with the facts. You are not Samson. For once in your life let's experiment with this odd concept of being "well groomed" who knows Kevin, people might even begin to respect you."
This internal struggle continues, almost repeated verbatim, throughout the entire day. At one moment reminding myself of the long history of hair shaving as shameful punishment: Jews in concentration camps, African slaves, French civilian wartime collaborators, Olympic swimmers...I'll ask myself, "Do I really want to be another statistic in this brutal practice? I need to stand proud of my mammalian class and retain that which defines us, the mass removal of hair is demammalization in its cruelest form!" In the next moment I will shift allegiances with myself and rebut my argument, calling to attention the common practice of removing ones hair as a symbol and sign of purification, humility, renewal, or to mourn the loss of a loved one. "Do you not see the power of this practice?" I ask myself, "Did you grow your hair or did your hair grow you?" I usually scoff at that lame faux-philosophic reply, I don't know why i still use it.
Anyway, I think you get the point. I am a house divided. Or so Abraham Lincoln claimed when we had a deep conversation recently. As the following photo proves:
Plagiarizing himself, he warned me, "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand." With Honest Abe's tutelage I realized that if I continue to be frozen by indecision, if I allow myself to become petrified by internal squabbles and bickering then my destruction is all but guaranteed. I must come to a decision soon...the world is counting on me.
"Yes we can."- Bob the Builder, later stolen by Barack Obama