Will i lose my strength??

So, I have been going through a struggle lately. its not your average everyday struggle for survival either, no, this is far more important. Everyday when i wake up I usually do four things before beginning my day...

1. Confusingly search for the alarm clock emergency shut off switch while simultaneously realizing that my high speed truck chase down a forested mountain road was most likely NOT reality, nor were the zombie lumberjacks i was chasing...pity.





2. As my brain slowly meanders into consciousness, my first thought is a prayer...I pray that I don't have to work today. As the disappointment of my unanswered prayer washes over me I then...





3. Go back to sleep in a futile attempt to end what I hope is still a nightmare. When that doesn't work(it never works)...I then move on to the forth and final thing i do at the beginning of my day, the struggle I mentioned at the beginning of this post...





4. I look in the mirror, and say to myself, "Is that you Rapunzel?! Wait, no it's just me...Shoot, I really need a haircut. I know I say this to you all the time Kevin, but this time i mean it! This week we cut these precious ashy brown locks. It's been a year! Quit your trepidation and get it done!" With that pep talk I then begin my day.

The problem arises as the day progresses. I begin to second guess my morning pledge. The loss of my long time good friend and neck warmer to the barbarity of barbery begins to weigh on my conscience. I start to ask myself, "What has your hair ever done to you to deserve such backstabbing savagery?" I respond, "Other than it dangerously blocking my view, spelunking down my throat at night, clogging my shower, greasifying my appearance and stubbornly refusing to follow any of my grooming instructions at all? Kevin, let's forget your delusional Porter Rockwell fantasy for the moment and stick with the facts. You are not Samson. For once in your life let's experiment with this odd concept of being "well groomed" who knows Kevin, people might even begin to respect you."

This internal struggle continues, almost repeated verbatim, throughout the entire day. At one moment reminding myself of the long history of hair shaving as shameful punishment: Jews in concentration camps, African slaves, French civilian wartime collaborators, Olympic swimmers...I'll ask myself, "Do I really want to be another statistic in this brutal practice? I need to stand proud of my mammalian class and retain that which defines us, the mass removal of hair is demammalization in its cruelest form!" In the next moment I will shift allegiances with myself and rebut my argument, calling to attention the common practice of removing ones hair as a symbol and sign of purification, humility, renewal, or to mourn the loss of a loved one. "Do you not see the power of this practice?" I ask myself, "Did you grow your hair or did your hair grow you?" I usually scoff at that lame faux-philosophic reply, I don't know why i still use it.

Anyway, I think you get the point. I am a house divided. Or so Abraham Lincoln claimed when we had a deep conversation recently. As the following photo proves:

Plagiarizing himself, he warned me, "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand." With Honest Abe's tutelage I realized that if I continue to be frozen by indecision, if I allow myself to become petrified by internal squabbles and bickering then my destruction is all but guaranteed. I must come to a decision soon...the world is counting on me.

"Yes we can."- Bob the Builder, later stolen by Barack Obama